People change…what makes them change?

Everybody in their life will face some hard times. It is done for a purpose. When we can pass the hard times successfully, we will change. We’ll be a better person.

I belief in this philosophy very much, because I made it myself ;P. Hee-hee. As I was growing up, growing older, I faced so many things, so many hard times, and I changed a lot. I feel better and better each year. Until now… now, I face a hard time again… I get trapped in a new situation, with new problems… new persons… problems and persons that I have never faced before.

I would like to share my situation here, with Carter Burwell’s Lullaby playing now, I hope I can get the ease for my heart and soul.

On my first year in my university, I’ve joined the Students Organization, and was working with two lovely boys named R and W. It was a nice time. We laugh and smile a lot; they were very nice, and patient. Although I’ve ruined many things: I’ve failed one of our projects, I played badly in our games in the Organization’s Leadership Training, and I almost lost our money in a project (and before that, I’ve miscounted the money), but they were still very nice. I can feel that they were trying to understand my situation, and they loved me as a family, even they called me “Mommy”.

Then now, I find that only W calls me with that name. He always smiles at me, even jokes around with me, but R doesn’t. He changed. He doesn’t even look at me or smile, or give me a waving hand, even a few days ago, when we were just separated 2 meters away and I called him cheerfully.

I know I’ve made some mistakes. I didn’t check my Friendster regularly so I missed R’s birthday comment on it, and didn’t check it until 1 week later we met in Bhakper building and he told me himself that I missed his birthday comment while actually he sent it at midnight to be the first person who wished me a happy birthday. I was so so so so so.. sorry for that… T,T After that, I found it very hard for him to call my name or even say hello when we meet…

Then, I also feel that one of my other friends also changed. We were in the same group, we sang together, we followed a competition, and we won it. It wasn't a big competition, just a small one, but it was a memory for me. We fought together, we sang together, we dance together. Just like what Jason Mraz says: we sing, we dance, we steal something ^^, we stole the glory.

We were not so close, actually I thought she's kinda show off, but when after we worked together, I knew that she's worth it. Our relationship become closer after that. She used to ignore me when we meat, and me too, but after the competition, we joked around, we hugged, we played together, took pictures, she was one of my favorite friends.

Then, again, I made a mistake. Lately, I've been so Choleric, unsympathetic, but I did it intentionally. I've never want to hurt someone, really, but that day, I knew I hurt her.

It was a few days before my departure to Jakarta to have a Chinese competition, and I was so panic looking for a suit for my performance. Then I remember her and come to her to borrow her clothes. When I asked her, she directly said that she had the clothing that I need. I was so happy and said that she was my savior, but the next day when she came and showed me the cloth, it was out of my expectation. So I said it directly in front of her and one of the lecture that this wasn't exactly what I want. I felt so disappointed at that time, I thought it would be expressed on my face, so I looked at her and there was no change on her face. So I thought it was okay, no problem, she knew that this wasn't what I want but it wasn't a problem. Anyway I'd like to appreciate her help so I borrowed that cloth.

When I got home from my competition, I completely forgot about her cloth because I didn't wear that anyway, and she was just like disappearing from my life. I've rarely seen her for a couple of days. Then when I saw her, I remembered her cloth and said to her that I would bring her cloth on the next day and thanked her for her help. But again, I forgot about it until a week later.

I felt bad about it and tried to tell her that I was sorry. So I kept my eye on her, watched her moves, waiting for the right time to share my feelings, but as I paid more attention to her, I knew that she has changed.

She never called my name, say hello to me, or even looked at me. She ignores me... I was so shocked about that. Everybody knows that she is the most friendly girl among us, she is famous of her kindness, jokes, but now... she ignores me... Even, when I tried to be friendly to her, I wrote a comment on her facebook, she removed that... T,T.... this was the worst moment in my friendship life...

What makes them change? What makes "R" and "that girl" change? My forgetfulness? My bad choleric personality? The cloth? The friendster?

I miss them so so so..bad... Although they were not my very close friend, but, I miss their jokes, their smiles, their "hello"s....


Guys, I'm sorry...